Ohhh it’s been a long week. And it’s recipes like this one getting me through at the moment – cheap, quick to throw together, a few simple ingredients, and FODMAP friendly. Don’t get me wrong, I love cooking and spending time creating, but some days I’ve only got like 10 minutes worth of energy left to make dinner so it needs to be QUICK!
But, before we get to the recipe, a letter to the medical “professionals” out there who brought me to the point of trying this whole low FODMAP thing. _________________________________________________________________________________________
Dear shitty, unprofessional, uncaring, uneducated doctors,
I’m a few weeks into doing my absolute best to stick to a low FODMAP diet. Why? Well, I’ve had stomach problems, nasty ones, on and off for the past few years. Yes, years. Why the hell would anyone put that off for so long? In a word, YOU. Doctors. Specifically, the really shitty ones out there – you know who you are. I’ve seen four of you in my quest to get my stomach issues sorted, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more frustrated dealing with a group of “professionals” in my life. Let me tell you why.
The first of you I saw was the family doctor. You’ve been looking after me since I was a kid. Yes, granted, I understand that we have a hypochondriac in the family who’s probably annoyed the crap out of you over the years, but surely the fact that you rarely see me tells you I’m not of the same pedigree. The first time I saw you with my concerns, you told me that it’s a common problem, it’ll go away when it’s ready. When I come back to you a year later with the problem having gotten worse, you first told me that another girl you saw around my age recently presenting with the same problems ended up having cancer. Three minutes later, after my asking what we could do to find out exactly what the problem was, you said we could maybe test for gluten intolerance, but not to expect to find anything – just because it was the “trendy problem” that all the kids wanted to have these days didn’t mean it was an “actual thing.” Wanna know what isn’t trendy? Vomiting, diarrhea and crippling stomach pain. Asshole.
The next one of you helped another family member of mine, the aforementioned hypochondriac, with some other problems. I’d also seen you with concerns about my mental health when I felt my depression and disordered eating were spiralling out of control. Your advise? “Hmmm it sounds like it’s just stress. Try finding a way to relax, you’ll be fine.” So glad I had the privilege of paying you $80.00 for that little nugget of wisdom.
Next up was the doctor I found walking down a main street near our house. You were on time, you seemed almost genuinely concerned, but you had absolutely no F-ing idea. Not a damn clue. I walked out shaking my head, none the wiser to what was going on.
Lastly, another doctor in the local area and a clinic with a slightly better reputation than the first. I saw you because honestly I was at the end of my tether, had been in tears all night, and booked an appointment with the first doctor I found via Google who could fit me in on the same day. Unlike the first three of your contemporaries, it actually sounded like you knew a bit about gut problems. You lost me though when you greeted me with “oh good, you’re here early, that means I might be able to actually leave this place at a decent hour tonight.” Are you f*%#ing for real?! You rushed me through it all at a pace I never would have believed possible, ordered a few tests and pushed me out the door with referrals containing no real instructions. I made my appointments to get the blood and breath tests done (by the way, I’m still waiting on results for tests I had done a MONTH ago), and called you as per your instructions after the final breath test for the result. Remember the chat we had? I do.
“Well, it seems that you’ve definitely tested positive for fructose intolerance, so that’s probably the main problem for you.”
Ohh ok… so where do we go from here? I asked, knowing a friend who’d been through the same thing then had a few further tests done, saw a nutritionist, etc
“Umm… just don’t eat foods with fructose in them”
Forever? Is there anywhere I can go to find some information on this? Do you have any resources on what to avoid and how long for?
“Just Google it. Good afternoon.”
Just Google it. That’s the culmination of all this. Just Google it. You doctors whinge and bitch about the self-diagnosing culture making your jobs so difficult, and the over medicated generations and the stupid amounts of “food intolerance” you didn’t have back in your day – you know what might help? GET EDUCATED ABOUT ISSUES THAT ARE AFFECTING PEOPLE TODAY AND ACTUALLY HELP YOUR DAMN PATIENTS INSTEAD OF BRUSHING IT OFF AS BEING NOTHING WHEN ACTUALLY YOU JUST PLAIN DON’T KNOW!!!!
So, shitty, lazy doctors, I consulted Dr Google, who did NOT make me wait an hour to see me, who did NOT charge me ridiculous fees and who did NOT laugh me off as just wanting to be diagnosed with a “trendy” problem. Dr Google recommended a low FODMAP diet for 8 weeks or so, after which point I should try to reintroduce some of those FODMAP foods. So, that’s what I’m doing for now, because quite frankly, I don’t want to
invest waste any more time or money on “professional” opinions.
And now, to my lovely readers; if the letter above brings up issues that you’ve faced too, I’m so sorry. No one should have to deal with that crap. There may not be a ton of information out there yet on gut problems, but they are very much real. So, instead of trying to offer medical advice that your doctors can’t/won’t give you, I’ll help the best way I know how – another quick, healthy low FODMAP recipe 🙂
Ingredients for one:
– 2 eggs
– 1 cup grated zucchini
– 2 spring onions, finely sliced (top green bits only!)
– FODMAP friendly (no onion, garlic, etc) mayo, fresh coriander and toasted sesame seeds to serve.
1. Lightly sprinkle the zucchini with salt and set aside for 10 minutes while you chop the spring onion and toast the sesame seeds if they’re not already toasted.
2. Whisk the eggs in a large bowl and add in the spring onion.
3. Squeeze the excess liquid out of the zucchini and add that to the eggs.
4. Lightly spray a non-stick fry pan with cooking oil and set over medium heat. Pour in the omelette mixture and tilt to coat the pan. Cook over low-medium heat until almost cooked through.
5. You can muck around with it a bit at this point: if I’m super hungry, I’ll fill my omelette with brown rice, vermicelli noodles, chicken, more veggies (grated carrot, grilled capsicum and bean shoots are all favourites) – whatever you want!
6. Fold your omelette over, and serve topped with a little mayo, fresh coriander and toasted sesame seeds.
Fellow FODMAPers – if anyone else has any quick & easy recipes to share, any information to share or questions to ask, or if anyone just wants to vent about their experiences around it all, consider it open forum!!